i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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