Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
you win again, gameday.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
