We're facebook friends in real life
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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