whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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