I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
