Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
i think i just lost a toe
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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