why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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