We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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