No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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