two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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