I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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