My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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