I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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