I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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