so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
