She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
