Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
