The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
