wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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