omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Randomize
