Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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