from now on my penis is your penis
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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