my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
