I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
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I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
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I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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