i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
