Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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