I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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