Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
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