So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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