I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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