I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
