I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
