we have officially lost it.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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