3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
