he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
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boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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