I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
