If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
