Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Randomize
