Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
