fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
