I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I forgot wine drunk hurts
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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