she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
