If i come over, it means nothing
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
