ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
