Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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