apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
If I die, sorry about rent.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
