Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
