Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(301): View more from Maryland

i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up

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(301): i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up http://tfl.nu/1cet

Replies (29) Good night (4009) Bad night (1117)
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(937): View more from Ohio

Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date

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(937): Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date http://tfl.nu/jct3

Replies (44) Good night (6403) Bad night (1265)
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(619): View more from California

i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out

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(619): i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out http://tfl.nu/smzd

Replies (20) Good night (786) Bad night (3460)
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(630): View more from Illinois

I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.

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(630): I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better. http://tfl.nu/ly4a

Replies (23) Good night (5592) Bad night (739)
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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife

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(306): Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife http://tfl.nu/6k5s

Replies (15) Good night (1175) Bad night (7102)
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(253): View more from Washington

No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions

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(253): No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions http://tfl.nu/59zh

Replies (11) Good night (2452) Bad night (947)
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(270): View more from Kentucky

Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.

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(270): Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best. http://tfl.nu/nsnm

Replies (4) Good night (2312) Bad night (1074)
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(303): View more from Colorado

Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station

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(303): Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station http://tfl.nu/qhlw

Replies (6) Good night (985) Bad night (1753)
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(250): View more from British Columbia

SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.

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(250): SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU. http://tfl.nu/crab

Replies (12) Good night (2875) Bad night (929)
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(408): View more from California

The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.

(408): View more from California

You've ruined television for me.

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(408): The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it. (408): You've ruined television for me. http://tfl.nu/32ek

Replies (4) Good night (2685) Bad night (1015)
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(507): View more from Minnesota

We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.

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(507): We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do. http://tfl.nu/66ti

Replies (4) Good night (1389) Bad night (642)
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(402): View more from Nebraska

His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.

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(402): His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time. http://tfl.nu/xcon

Replies (11) Good night (1931) Bad night (640)
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(310): View more from California

Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.

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(310): Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure. http://tfl.nu/ptmp

Replies (2) Good night (763) Bad night (409)
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(906): View more from Michigan

She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.

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(906): She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it. http://tfl.nu/2rns

Replies (4) Good night (379) Bad night (806)
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(720): View more from Colorado

Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.

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(720): Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going. http://tfl.nu/q6rk

Replies (3) Good night (967) Bad night (465)

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