it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.