remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
