The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security