she was so not down for the gang bang
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.