he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
We had to coat check the pizza.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.