I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
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I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay