i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.