Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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