Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
