ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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