In the future we'll all be gay
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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