I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
