the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
