I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
