we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
