His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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