She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
