Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
