Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
