I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize