I've blown a few things in my day
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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