Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
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