I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
This beer is not sobering me up at all
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Randomize
