you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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