You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
