whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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