between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
