I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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