I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
