Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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