You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
My liver just had a heart attack.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
