Pants 0. Shit 1.
I cockslap morals
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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