Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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