I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
