You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
wrigley field is MILF paradise
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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