Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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