my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
