Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Four minutes until I can fart!
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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