My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
