Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
